I was going to write this story since weeks ago but seemed like I wasn’t strong enough to finish this. If you finally reading this story on the blog, it doesn’t mean I am strong now. It just mean that I have finally overcome my fear of facing one of the worst experience. Even only writing this text already bring tears to my eyes. I am sorry for being mushy in a first place because the wound is still fresh.
I met Kitto on 21st of October 2014. At that time, he was about a month old or less. His cat mother is Oneng (#Onengonengkicat), I did not have enough money at that time to spay her so she got pregnant. I did not know how many babies which Oneng gave birth to at that time but all I know she brought 2 baby cat to my front yard that Tuesday morning and one of them was baby Kitto (he was still nameless back then). I was curious but Oneng was still protective over her babies so I can only peek through the window or fence to see this little family. The other kitten was so small and look weak, Oneng even always put her body quite far from the healthy one (Kitto). But baby Kitto always walked to his sibling everytime Oneng wasn’t around and sleep while hugging her. Baby Kitto was so protective towards his sibling too..he always try to hisses at me with his manly angry baby face at that time, which was fail miserably because it turns out to be cute and no voice coming out from that little whisker.
The next day I checked them out again and turns out the weak one was already passed away. So I buried her and pray for her. After this, Oneng only have to take care one grey kitten..which will be called Kitto by us.
Oneng was doing a great job and after about 2 months Kitto stay in the front yard, Oneng finally let us touch him. Kitto was still skittish at first but after a while, he’s doing great with human’s touch.
We fell in love with Kitto and our day was never fully complete without us playing with him. He makes us laugh and we are glad that he’s around. He was a very brave and cheerful kitten with a very weird charm. At the month of January 2015, Oneng had her heat period again so she left Kitto alone. Kitto looked lonely and sad so I made sure to keep him company when I had time. He looks healthy and great. And on Saturday, 24th of January 2015, Kitto lost his appetite. He did not want to eat anything. We were worried but I thought it was only the first time and his first day for not eating anything so I plan to bring him to the vet next Monday. The next day, which is Sunday (25th of January), we found Kitto just sitting at the top of a sack filled with sand at my front yard. He looked so weak and small and when I look at his face, there were loads of white slimy liquid mixed with fresh blood coming out from his right nostrils and his right eye. And loads of clear liquids coming out of his mouth while he tried so hard to breath. His mouth was always open and his tongue was coming out. I was shocked.
I got panic attacked because there were no animal clinic nor vet that open at Sunday in my city. We made a few calls but no one picked up. But one of our friend, who is also a vet (but did not want to receive any patient that day), said that maybe..only maybe..this one vet, vet A, are open today, she said. The place was far from my house but at that time we thought it’s better than we do nothing and wait for death. This is our only little hope and we’re going to grip it so tight. Me and my partner put Kitto inside a hamster cage (we haven’t had a pet cargo at that time) and went to that vet A as fast as we can. It took around 2 hours since it was far and the traffic jam was worst. I was panic and I was going to burst any second soon but I hold it in. I was praying and praying so vet A are open or at least want to check out Kitto.
Thankfully, vet A was there. He said usually he’s not open at Sunday but he had a scheduled for helping a dog giving birth so that’s why he’s at the clinic. He looked at my desperate face and decided to checked Kitto. Maybe because Kitto was in a very bad condition and Kitto is not some kind of fancy breed cat, the vet only held Kitto for about 20 seconds. Then he asked us to put Kitto back to his cage. Vet A told me that it was my fault. Because I’m not vaccinate him earlier. He said I should have taken him to get a vaccine when he reached 2 months old. I said, “OK” because that’s the only word that I could think of. I asked what kind of sickness is this, the vet said it might be Calici or whatever but it must be a virus. Then he gave me a prescription to buy at the pharmacy. I paid for that 20 seconds check and lest than 5 minutes talk for Rp 50.000,-.
Then I immediately went back to the car and tried to find pharmacy. It takes more than an hour to rode back near our area and stopped at the pharmacy. Turns out the pharmacy did not have the medicine that the vet just prescribed us. So, we went to another pharmacy. Same thing happened. The other pharmacy, same thing happened. When the fourth try the pharmacy said they don’t have, I asked them why is it so hard to find this medicine. They said this type of medicine is not common..only in a big pharmacy or pharmacy in a hospital have it. In the meantime, Kitto was still struggling inside the cage. Drooling all over the place and blood still came out of his nose and eye. I went back at the car, me and my partner were both tired mentally and physically. We wanted to give up but looking at Kitto struggling we have no choice. We ended up having a fight. I finally cried.
Even if I go to hospital, they won’t receive the prescription since the regulations at the hospital’s pharmacy is that they only receive prescription from the doctor at their own hospital. I was so happy when we knew vet A open and let to check Kitto. I did not care even if that vet A was demeaning and sneering me. All I want it him to safe Kitto’s life. I was glad that he gave me prescription because I thought there’s a hope for Kitto although he said to me that Kitto won’t make it but I can try if I want to. I was deseperate and sad and hopeless.
After I calm down, I called my big brother who’s a doctor at a hospital. I asked him if he can help me to get a medicine for Kitto. Actually I don’t really like asking help from my family member, especially for cats’ related needs, because actually they’re all not 100% support me doing this. But at that time, my brother was my only last chance and hope so I can save Kitto boy. Thankfully he responded well and made it work. We went to the hospital. Which takes another hour to get there. And once we were at the pharmacy, it takes more than an hour for them to make the medicine at the prescription. We left Kitto inside the car with the window open. Thankfully when we’re back, Kitto was still breathing. We went back home with Kitto and the medicine on hand. It already dark when we finally reach home.
I put Kitto inside that cage when he’s sick so he won’t go anywhere. I put a cloth to make him warm and a yellow light to keep him warm at night. I close the cage with newspaper also at night so there’s no wind that can make him cold. I woke up in the morning to take out the cage and let him have a sunbath while I wash the cloth that he used. I forcefed him the medicine every 8 hours straight, never late, never early. The medicine was a yellow powder and most likely it was so bitter.. so I have to mix it with honey first, then force it into his mouth. I made sure he’s dehydrated by always gave him water through the syringe tube. He still did not want to eat even after 3 days, but I keep offered him food and forcing him to swallow one or two bites of soft food. When I have a spare time and I don’t have to do any of that task to Kitto, I lay down on the side of the cage and talk to him. I told him to stay with me a little longer so I can give him a nice food and play together. Then on the forth day he finally have an appetite and able to walk. I was so thrilled, I even let him go outside of the cage when there’s sunlight. The medicine was all finished after 5 days and when it’s done, Kitto was looking a lot better already. Although I was mad at that vet A, I’m so greatful that at least the medicine that he prescribed was working wonderfuly on Kitto. Kitto, me, and my partner have win our very first battle together.
Then our second big battle as a trio happened again. On May 7th 2015, I woke up very early to go to work with my partner. I spent the whole day working outside until late night. It just an ordinary day I thought and when I back home, I looked for Jelly and there he was at home sleeping. Then I started to look for Kitto. My Mom said Kitto was nowhere since dark. Again, with a tired body, me and my partner still went outside to look for Kitto. After quite long enough looking for him, we found him under our family car. Just sitting looking uncomfortable. And I noticed something wrong since his eyes was looking in pain and shock. And his breath was panting. I tried to reached him but he move his body to stay away from my arm. He never did that to me. Crawled a bit under the car to reached him then pull his leg to get closed to me. I know it’s a reckless move since we don’t know what happen with him..that pulling can cause him harm but at that time I can’t just left him stay under a car looking like that.
Then I hug him and told him it’s all right. I brought him inside the home and when I put him down, he immediately ran to under a table where it’s dark. He looks really scared and shocked. We wonder what happen. My Mom reached him and hug him, but then he started screaming and ran away all panic. I started to get all worried again. It’s late at night, no animal clinic were open so I let him stay under that table where it’s dark inside the home. I only put cloth so he would stay warm.
The next day, after we finished doing our work, we brought Kitto to the vet. After a few examinations, the vet asked us to take an X-ray picture of Kitto’s lungs. The clinic don’t have the equipment so we had to go to other place and went back immediately before the clinic’s close. It was a busy time of a day so the traffic was worst. And we have to take another 15 minutes just to search for the right place since the address is a bit difficult to find. I was in a panic attack again. We took an X-Ray picture of Kitto, I was helping the staff to hold Kitto’s body. Then we immediately back to the vet. Thankfuly the vet still open, she checked the picture the she told us that nothing can be done. Kitto was diagnosed with Hernia Diaphragm. Usually happened due to a trauma. Looks like Kitto got hit or maybe run over by a vehicle on his stomach area. It made his intestine pushing up his diaphragm and lungs. He lost his diaphragm, hence the trouble breathing. And there was also a wound on his lung, almost bursting up his lungs. His ribs a little broken here and there, that’s what makes a wound on his lungs. The vet told us there actually some vet who can perform surgery on this kind of case, but even with that surgery, Kitto only have a very small percentage of survival. Even most likely he would died on the surgery table. And it cost so much money too, the vet said. So she said it’s better maybe if we take Kitto back home, put him in a comfortable soft bed so he can breathe better, give him a blanket so he’d be warmth, accompany him and love him. Don’t forcefed him since he might be fight back and it can cause damage to his lungs, make it even worse or lose his breath.
I was holding my tears as best as I can when I heard the vet said everything. Trying hard to keep my brain concentrate so I can remember what to do on Kitto’s last moments with me. When we’re back to the car, I lost it. I was tired again and again…my body was tired. My brain was tired. And it seems like it all end in hopelessness. Like all of my all is not even enough.
We did what the vet told us. I checked Kitto back and forth on the bed, hold his hand, stroke his soft fur, and told him I love him. This time I even told him that it’s okay if he want to give up because I know he must be in pain on every single breath he take. He haven’t eat since the accident happened on Thursday until Wednesday. Sometimes me or my Mom put water on his lips so it won’t dry and so he drink even only a very little amount of water. Me, my partner, and two of other people have to go out of town on the next Friday, very early in the morning. I was so mad at myself for having to go but there’s nothing we can do. At that time I prepared myself for the news of Kitto passing away if it happened when I’m not around. But then on Wednesday morning, Kitto walked by himself to drink water. It was amazing. He finally left the bed and walk by himself. Then at that night, when he walked to pee on the litter box, I offered him his favourite food, fish jerky. And another miracle happen, he bite the fish and eat it. I was screaming and told everyone in the house. KITTO ARE EATING BY HIMSELF. That day must be one of the best day of my life.
I was leaving the town for 4 days then back having Kitto still around. He eat well, drink well, and sleep well. Although still he was change for his whole life, he would be always have a short breath, trouble breathing, slimy liquid also would always come out from his nose (especially his right nostrils from the previous virus too). He became more sensitive, easily scared and panic, and also he have to stay warm everytime. But that does not change how amazing and lovely he is. And I still accept him for that.
After that second big miracle, we still have to take Kitto back and forth to the vet. Once for his neuter surgery, which is scary since he had trouble breathing so he might lost it when he’s under anesthetic. Well, I guess another miracle happened. He woke up greatly from the “sleep” with no balls too. LOL. We have to bring him to the vet at least once a month because he always have snots, sneeze, or even lose appetite once in a while due to his special needs. I force him to spend most of the time inside the house. At night he have to sleep inside the house too.
After a while, this house is not enough for him. Kitto always have this adventurous side of him. An eyes that always longing to see everything outside in the world. I still force him to stay inside the house. I even let him to sleep inside the room. Kitto is the first cat that I let to spend night with me in my room. At first he would sleep on the clothes that I put on the floor with a light on him so he would stay warm on the edge of my room. Then he started to sleep on top of a chair. Then he started to sleep on bed with me. He loved it. And I was happy knowing he trust me enough so we can sleep together. Then, just like how you thought it would be, he also got bored of sleeping with me at night. Then he started to sleep with my sister. Since her room is much warmer than mine, it better for him too. And after a while, he got enough of this house. He would scratch everything, meowing and screaming inside the house. He begged me to let him go outside to play and have a time of his lives. I can’t sleep because I have to keep him busy so he won’t think to go outside. Until I got depressed because I did not have enough sleep for 5 days. I have anxiety since my Mom would scream at me and hit Kitto..she said it was my fault for taking Kitto in and saving him in a first place. I bet my Mom got stressed because of Kitto too. No one was happy.
After days of anxiety and stress, I decided to let Kitto to do what he want to do. I decided that if he’s sick, I would just bring him to the vet again like usual. I was trying hard to save him not to fulfill my ego for not losing him. We spent so much money on him not to make him our trophy too. We pray so God give him more time on this earth no to be stuck inside this house too. All I know that Kitto needs to be happy. So since that day, I let him go outside when he wanted to and let him stay inside the house when he want to.
Year 2016 come and as year got near to the end, Kitto also getting healthier. He rarely needs to go back and forth to the vet. I only have to give him vitamin and immune booster every other day. 2017 came and he’s better and better. He spend most of his times outside too. He’s streetwise, smarter, and happier. He eats well, play well, and sleep well. He was loved by most of the cats (except Jelly..LOL). Lilo and PJ loved him the most. Then it happened. He went missing. 11th July 2017. Tuesday. He did not come back home. I wait for two days. Still he wasn’t come back. I searched for him everyday. Calling out his name. No sign of him. I started to cry. My whole life was falling apart even before I know it.
Then after a week, right on my Dad’s birthday, we finally got news regarding about Kitto. One of the neighbor have a talked with my Mom that morning. One topic to another, it ended up with him telling my Mom that he found a body of a dead cat on the sewer in front of his house. The cat was wearing a collar but he did not pay enough attention to notice the color of the collar or even a cat. All he remembered that the cat has a white fur in some place of it’s body. The body already covered by cloth. He buried it right away.
I knew it was Kitto.
There’s no way he was not coming home for more than 3 days. He never play too far from house. He never eat outside too. And he can’t be caught be other people. So my guess is either he had a sudden sick because of something triggered him or he got into an accident. Someone must have found him and covered his body with cloth..and I don’t know why he or she decided to put a body of a dead cat on the sewer. But then..I guess I would never know why, how and what had happened. I can spend my lives wondering and asking but still Kitto won’t coming back.
I was crying and crying. All I feel was pain and sadness. I knew Kitto won’t be long with me. But after facing many miracles with him and looking his current states, I thought he would still be around with me for years to come. So it was a very shocking incident. I feel sorry. I feel bad. I feel so wrong. I feel mad. All of those feelings coming back at me.
I blame other people. Then I blame myself. Then I blame the situation. Then…I let go. I let it happen. Nothing would change anyway. Kitto already at rainbow bridge. No pain. No sickness now. With his adventurous self, soft fur, and handsome face, now he can play around looking at the world through that playful eyes. I will miss him dearly. But I have found my peace. I hope he’s happy too when he spent his time here on earth.
Love you, Kitto boy. Always.
PS: I have loads of his pictures but I can’t upload it here since it still breaks my heart sometimes looking at his face.. But if you want to, you can just find his pictures on this hashtag: #Kittotheweirdocat